March 10, 2011

Another Convoluted "Advanced" Stat That Will Invite Ridicule

You think WAR and xFIP and BABIP and wOBA are bizarre, incomprehensible statistics that leech all the humanity and joy out of the great game of baseball? Well, Joe Posnanski has the poop on the latest geeky stat that makes no sense at all to normal people:
[S]tart with ... the number of times the player comes to the plate.

Now, subtract the walks. No, seriously, just subtract those. We don't care about those.

Now, subtract the hit-by-pitches. Get rid of them.

Now, subtract the times that the player hit a fly ball that allowed a runner to tag up and score from third base.

Now, subtract the times the batter bunted a runner from first to second base, or second to third, or third to home but still made an out. Do not subtract the plate appearance if the batter successfully made it to first base. Do not subtract it if he hit a hard smash that accomplished PRECISELY THE SAME THING as a bunt. Do not subtract it if he hit a check-swing dribbler that was KIND OF like a bunt but did not seem from the press box to be a purposeful bunt.

Remember to include the times he reached base but only because of a defensive blunder.

OK, you have that number? We call those "at-bats." Now, what you want to do it take the number of hits and divide those by at-bats. What is a hit? Any time someone hits a ball that allows him to reach base. No, we don't care what base he reaches. Double ... triple ... home runs ... they're all just "hits" ...

Of course, if the batter gets on base because of a defensive error, that doesn't count as a hit. That counts as an out. Even though he didn't make an out. How do we determine if the defensive player made an error? Someone in the press box we call the "official scorer" will watch the game and make the determination based on whatever he happens to be thinking at that moment.

OK, now you divide the hits by at-bats. And that is your hits percentage. ...
Are you kidding me? What 40-year-old, basement-dwelling virgin came up with that one -- and does he honestly think that it will taken seriously by anyone outside his circle of dice-rolling dweebs?

7 comments:

laura k said...

Terrific! Sadly, none of the people who need this will understand it.

wilson said...

Hilarious!
Very well said.

FenFan said...

Has anyone alerted Murray Chass?

Patrick said...

I doubt they catch on these 'at bats'

Pokerwolf said...

Love it! I bet you could fool a couple of blowhards with it too!

Matthias said...

Priceless. Someone should do the same thing with ERA.

RedSoxDiehard said...

Love it.